It No Longer Matters


As my school year wraps itself up, I, along with all my fellow peers, are becoming sick of the mundane routines that school consist of. Looking back though, this year has been exceptional as far as the teachers go, and my own personal development. I feel more prepared to face the real world. What a funny statement, because, though I say I am ready, I will never be truly prepared. I will have lots of questions, that I probably will never bother asking, and I will get a lot of answers to questions that I didn’t know that I had. I guess that is just how life works.

The funniest thing about my whole entire education is that, despite what anyone thinks about their own, it was experienced by so many others. They each have their own perspective on the way the education system should be, and what the did, or didn’t like about school. It is all rather strange as to how I can think how my experience is so exasperating when I don’t even have that hard of a time in school. Maybe it is me psyching myself out all the time that causes all the stress I have felt in the past. I have grown up, matured even, into a bright young lady, though I don’t always think it to be true. Reflecting back upon every different direction that I could have gone, thinking, if I had just tried harder, or done this differently. But that is what makes the past so different from everything else. ONce you make a mistake, it is done. Once you have a decision and follow through, you can’t go back and change it. There is no rewinding of the tape; we aren’t able to change our pasts. So looking back and regretting anything that I have done, and wasting the time that I have accessible to me now? That is just a silly thing to do. I have decided that I very much like the time-flow continuum as I don’t have to try again, but rather I can learn and move forward.

The school year is done, and despite how much harder I could have worked, or what relationships could have developed, I will never regret living through this year, despite how horrendously dull it may have been sometimes. I really enjoyed this school year, and my education. It was all rather exciting. I am more then satisfied with how my life is progressing. AS for my mistakes? Well, reread the title.


Conclusive Confusion


My entire life as I remember it, I have been in school. I don’t really remember too much about before the time I came into kindergarten. I was, at the time, more reserved and a lot more innocent. I didn’t change much till I got to the worst time of my life and what I affectionately call the dark ages; middle school. I know not a single soul that truly had a good time in middle school, but for me it seemed all the worse. Let me paint you a picture of me at that point. I was just beginning to get more interested in the world past my bedroom door, but I had very little experience with it at all. I had two people that I recall considering my friends. I was timid, but occasionally got very passionate over rather strange things. I had always been an outcast it seemed. I didn’t fit in anywhere. I didn’t know anything about music, except for the title Our Song, which I later found out was by T-Swift. I was never in any sport for over a couple months. I had a young brother, and a baby sister who had most of the attention, and my older brother, who hasn’t concerned himself with me in years.

I don’t think that my story is sad, at least not at this point, because it seems like all these things were normal. Everyone was trying to expand their friend circles and find out who was cool, and who was not. Middle school was the time to develop, and the one thing I have learned about any kind of development is that it is not easy, and it is certainly not fun. So as we fast forward past my pitiful, awkward early teen years, we get to the more interesting part; I was finally starting to discover that there is more to life then just fitting in with others. I have found that I find my time alone to be very enjoyable, and I don’t have many issues with myself despite having to force myself to be more outgoing at times. The peace that I feel about myself is probably one of the more calming experiences I have ever had in my life. It also makes me appreciate the qualities I have always possessed that much more.

I am happy to report, as a person I have grown exponentially in recent years. I have one more year of public schooling and then I have to start my own journey. I need to find my own path. It won’t be easy to change after going through the school system, but I will adapt. The only thing that I am concerned about is how will these next few years shape me. I like myself now, but people are always changing, even if only slightly. My entire outlook on life could go from the world is unjust, and God is just, to something completely radical. I guess in the end, there is two decisions that I need to make. DO I want to move forward? If so, where will I allow life to take me? Life, though, is not something that can be predicted. There are so many variables, and so many possible outcomes that to think about the way things might turn out is little more then a waste of time.

What I think that I am trying to say is that despite the rocky road that is life, sometimes we just have to submerse ourselves in the journey, and worry less about a destination that we know nothing about. That just makes everything all the more worth while to experience though as we will always be making new choices, and going through different experiences. SO maybe I don’t know where my journey will take me, but I think as of now, I am content to just soak up my surroundings and enjoy what I’ve got.

GPA System


In American schools, a lot of pressure is put upon children to get a good GPA (grade point average). It is difficult for someone like me to care about my GPA though, because I can’t focus outside of school; there is so much going on, and I don’t have the attention span to get my homework done, despite the consequences of not finishing my work. I get no reward for doing it despite an A in a class, which may or may not matter in the future when I go off to college. I know that I am just being lazy, and that what I lack is motivation, but shouldn’t school be more meaningful and motivational then what it is right now? If I am given a good reason to try then I would definitely put in more effort. Instead our schools try are treat us like impressionable little children who should be obedient as dogs. The school system doesn’t take into account the personalities of different students, or the individualistic ways of learning that everyone has. I know this from first hand experience. I was in a math class with a teacher that I struggled to understand. I would sit there everyday, full attention on the board. I’d copy down everything that the teacher wrote, and left myself helpful hints. Yet the next day, my homework would be completely wrong. Even when I’d sit there, reading both my teacher’s notes and the instructions in my textbook, I would still be incredibly lost and confused. I don’t think that it was the teachers fault, even though there were others just like me who were positive that my teacher was speaking some bizarre, alien language. I know she just had a teaching style that I didn’t understand. When I went to my parents with my problem and extremely bad grade, they made me go through one of the more awkward experiences I’ve been in throughout my high school career. My councilor couldn’t get me out of her class and told me to just stick it out, which only furthered my mother’s irritation and anger. We eventually got me switched to a different teacher; my grade by the end of that term was a B+, which compared to the barely passing C-, was worlds better. It also went to show just how much of a difference that a change in teacher could make.

What makes me angry about that situation looking back now, is the fact that the only advice given to me about my math education was that I should drop down to regular algebra, or I would have to retake the class again. Not, let’s get you some outside help, or maybe this teacher isn’t for you, but rather, you can’t handle this. Go back from where you came from. Something is very wrong with that situation. Teachers should be encouraging and support the strugglers, not try to push them back, or hold them down. I am proud of myself for pushing through, and sticking with the harder path. I am more than intelligent enough to be in advanced math, and someone in this corrupt school system should have been able to notice that I am a good student, and that I was doing everything that was in my means to do well in that course. The school shouldn’t be so focused on just what rank the students are, but rather, what can they do to better the grades, and understanding of the students.

This year, I have been blessed with being put into classes that are run by teachers who I understand, and who make a point of benefiting all of their students with a good education, while making their class somewhat entertaining. No one does well in a course that is boring, or mundane. The education system needs to be refreshed so that we no longer have to worry about whether or not we will be put to sleep through the soothing voices of our science teachers. Instead, they should be interactive, fun, and engaging. Those classes that fit the previous description are the classes that I do well in, and the ones that I hear the more positive comments on from other students.

New Tech in the Old Schools


Technology. Where would we be without it? My generation couldn’t imagine going for very long without access to the internet. My classmates are more then likely to be reading an article online then to have their nose stuck in a book. So with all these technological advances, why are schools still so far behind?  It doesn’t help that there is such a large age gap between teachers and students; a few of the teachers I have rant on and on about how back in the day they didn’t have the same technology that we do and they were just fine. While it is important for young people to know how to do things without electronics, it is close minded of those teachers to not embrace the more efficient way of doing things. I am definitely not saying this about all teachers, but there still area select few that are iron set in there ways. Because the very people who are educating us refuse to advance, how are we suppose to?

It is not the fault of the teachers necessarily, after all, the ones who are set in their ways have probably been teaching longer then I have been alive. It is completely understandable for them to not understand the purpose or necessity of technology. They have a different view on it after all. I think that teachers need to somehow make technology apart of class. It would encourage students to be engaged with there education, and they would more then likely enjoy school more.

Depression in Students


While college is the first step in a student’s journey to adulthood, for some, it can be overbearing. Around thirty percent of college students feel “so depressed that is was difficult to function,” according to NIH (National Institutions of Health). This subject is not to be taken lightly, and often people are rather oblivious to depression in others. I should know, I knew someone who was severely depressed back in middle school; she never did show how awful she felt when others were around, and she felt that by asking for help she would end up having others turn away from her. It finally came to the point in her sophomore year at high school that she was so fed up of looking down upon herself, of telling herself how dreadful of a person that she was that she did ask for help. It was a terrifying experience, as she couldn’t be with herself, otherwise she’d tear herself apart mentally.

While many people may feel that they are going through depression on their own, they’d be surprised at how many others can plaster on silly grins, while they feel worthless on the inside. Many people will experience depression or symptoms of depression in their life.
To me it was a surprise to discover, a year or so after my friend’s experience, that depression was a mental illness. People can go to a doctor and get subscribed to medication that will help them out of their slump.

What I didn’t realize with my experience with depression is just how common it is, and there are ways to get it treated. If you think that you have depression, don’t wait to get help. It will damage you more then you may realize at the time. It changes how you interact with others, and how you view yourself. It effects your performance in school, and reduces the pleasures of living life. With such a short time here, on our lovely planet, we need to enjoy every second that we can.

“Depression and College Students.” NIH. n.p., n.d. Wed. 25 May 2013.

Struggling to Be Heard


I have always been proud, even in my times of self-loathing, and despair. I never cared for others pity, their helpful criticism of my somewhat over dramatic personality. When my mother started Mimicking my arm movements when I was trying to explain something to her, I understood that despite the fact that my mother is a lovely and wonderful person, she didn’t understand me. I am not being overdramatic when I state this, it is just, my mom has a different view on my story then I did ( we were discussing the traffic and unexpected road construction I our town,) and she couldn’t get over the fact that I was somewhat frustrated at the time ( when I am passionate about something, I express it with my body language). When she said that I was being dramatic, my frustration started to leak out. So, I just walked away.

I tell this story not to criticize parents, especially mine, but rather to explain that, even though I may be screaming at the top of my lungs, people often disregard what I want to express. Now, for me, this is the single most irritating thing a person can do, so why does it happen to me so often? It is not just me, but to the majority of the population. Could it be that we are all so desperate to be heard that we don’t bother to listen?

I have reached my limit recently of the amount of bull that I can take for this school year, and honestly, I couldn’t be happier spending hours on my own, with no other human communication. Maybe I am a little antisocial, but that is what happens after surrounding yourself with teenage girls for several months on end. (For friends reading this, you are great, I just am on overload).

The point of this long, drawn out rant is that, despite our desperate pleas to be heard, maybe it is best that we just keep our mouths shut and listen, it can save you lots of trouble in the end. People in general don’t care for excuses, though we all make them. It is best to just liste3n, make as little noise as possible, and get out of the dangerous situations.

Th at doesn’t mean that we should always stay back, but it sure as hell will get you out of more trouble then you’d be in otherwise, trust me, I know.

Out on My Own


Music is very inspirational for me, whether it be alternative, rock, or just instrumental. My mood changes when I listen to music, from angry, sad, to happy. It also makes me very reflective on what I want to do with my very existence, after all, you only live once. It drives me to be independent, but to mourn lost connections. Which brings me to the issue that is currently at the fore front of my mind. I am almost to my independence. I will soon leave home to start my own life, and though I will come back to visit my family, we won’t always be together like we have been up until this point. I have to think of what I want to do with my life, and the decisions and actions that I commit to in the next few years will be some of the more important commitments in my life. Ties will be cut, and bonds will be broke. I will further mature, but I will also revert to find comfort in my past; when times were easier. I may still be a child, but I know now that this world is not an easy one to exist in. Not for me, and not for others. Everyone has their own trials to face, and they have to decide whether or not they will allow the pressure to crush them, or adjust to their new environment to make the burden easier to carry.

That all being said, I am very nervous to move out to a dorm and get a room mate, considering my mom’s college roommate (she killed somebody). I think with that information in mind, I’d prefer to live on my own initially after moving out. I am a rather independent spirit, and don’t feel lonely as long as I get a daily dose of human interaction (it sounds weird, but it is true). The whole thought of sharing a room with a person that I’ve never met before is a very foreign concept for me still, but maybe as I get closer to shipping myself of to college, I will be more prepared then I am as of now, but for some reason I doubt it. Realization is still setting in that this is my last year in the public school system. I am going to have to adapt after that to my new surroundings. Most everyone leaves home after the high school experience, but that doesn’t mean that they are fully prepared for all that being independent entails. With that all being said, it is still very exciting to think of my future, and what could possibly be in store for me.